Cheesie’s Chicago – How the Anti-Sissy Eats Cheese

Cheese on, comrades.

958 W. Belmont


A little confession: I have never had Texas toast before. If I have, I probably didn’t know it was Texan and assumed it was “oversized disgustobread mark II.” Now, thanks to the good folks at Cheesie’s, I can say that actual Texas Toast is a good thing.

You probably couldn’t tell from the previous article about the execution chamber that is Philly’s Best that I do, in fact, like unhealthy food once in a while. And make no mistake, Cheesie’s is completely unhealthy, as usual with any institution, establishment, or nation that combines bacon with grilled cheese. But it tastes amazing.

Cheesie’s officially opened just this week, and replaced a less-than-pleasant burrito joint, Tradicion, after they were “closed for painting” for an indeterminably long couple of weeks. I’ve never been there because of the nasty stories I’ve heard about it, and the unsafe nocturnal characters that hang around there. That, and there was a Chipotle farther down the street that won’t give you a free tapeworm with a plastic sombrero.

I’ve heard from the cute desk lady that some less-than-friendly folks come in late at night and ask for tacos. Oh my goodness gracious dearie me.

Once I went in Cheesie’s, the smell was hard to ignore. It wasn’t exactly a great smell, nor was it terrible, but it was hard to distract myself from it, and that was mildly annoying. But then Omnomnomiel, the guardian angel of food, came down from Heaven and bitch-slapped me with Excalibur. He said, “Dammit, Dave! What do you expect from a grilled cheese place, minty freshness?!” Fair enough.

The particular sandwich I had was the special for the month: the Chicago-style hot dog cheese sandwich. I had to eat half of it and throw the rest away because, well, I’m on a diet. But I immediately regretted doing so and went trash diving. An angry spider demanded that the sandwich was his. The previous two sentences were outright lies. But damn, sliced vienna beef franks with all the trimmings on grilled American and cheddar cheese on toast? Please, someone tell me that the other half went to the Sandwich Shop in the Sky and I get to eat it after I’m dead.

Did I mention that there’s a bar in the back? Damn right there is.